60 Minutes of Joe Theisman’s Leg Breaking

 OR

Watched ESPN’s Monday Night Football Premier and….it was pretty shitty.  Constant shots of Tom Cruise’s crazy ass sitting next to Dan Snyder’s incredibly smug, punchable face.  Tony Kornheiser making obscure jokes and making me uncomfortable in the process.  Mike Tirico trying with all of his might to hold the entire trainwreck together.  And Theisman.  Man, do I hate Theisman.  Talk about pure and unabashed homerism.  Hey, JT, no matter how may times you try to convince America, we all know Snyder overpaid Antwan Randle El because he has no clue how to run a football team.  And Sean Taylor is a dirtball.  As much as you want to call him a “competitor” and an “incredible athlete,” it is widely known that Sean Taylor:

1. was caught tearing down a Fairfax County road completely obliterated on Vodka Cranberries after Rod Gardner’s birthday party and;
2. was arrested for armed assault against a person he thought stole his ATV.  He copped a plea to make that little headache disappear and;
3. went to “da U.”

So Kornheiser had a point when he asked if Sean Taylor’s reputation sometimes makes the refs a little hasty in reaching for their laundry when he’s involved in a play.  And by reputation, he meant the fact that he is known as a total shitbag.

I never thought I’d long for the days of Paul McGuire and Mike Patrick.  But I do.  Know why?  Because those two actually compete with Theisman for the most atrocious commentators in sports, thus making Theisman not look so bad and, in turn, almost bearable.  But between Tirico and Kornheiser,  his shittiness is really taken to a new level. An American institution is now tarnished thanks to Theisman’s verbal diarrhea.